It's always better to give than to receive, right? I knew what I was supposed to say, as a kid looking forward to Christmas. But I had my List.
Not a fool, I knew it was better to receive the Death Star Space Station that I wanted, than to give another painted rock or whatever I'd made in an art class. Definitely a lop-sided exchange.
I'd have been happy to give out a pile of painted rocks for the Death Star. Whatever hoop you've gotta jump through, right?
I DID get the Death Star, after two years of wanting it, so there was a disappointing Christmas in the lead-up, where I learned that you definitely do not always get what you want.
That's not exactly a tragedy, but it comes up when I think about all of the conflicting attitudes I've entertained toward Christmas and presents.
Once I was in my teens, it seemed easiest to try and be above it all, repeating how the holiday is too commercialized, wasteful, blah blah blah. That was a very attractive attitude when I was young and broke.
The opposite of "broke," -- is it "wealthy?" I used to think so. But once it occurred to me that I'd achieved "not broke," I realized that life was more complicated.
There were years of little money, but what seemed like lots of time. I'd make things, put a lot of work into gifts. Does that balance things out? After a while I became much too busy to continue like that, making unique things for each person.
I don't have kids and it seems that kids anchor adults more solidly to the gift exchange. Some years, Christmas was just a bother, easy to ignore until the enforced day off. The holiday became more about spending time with a few people than anything else.
If I was rich I'd probably keep a stack of Amazon gift cards in my pocket and give them out to whoever for a week. Something like that. To someone who's not broke, it's a nice gesture. To someone who IS broke, it's an opportunity to indulge, or help with necessities.
Of course that's hypothetical and my pockets are not full of gift cards.
If I have to take an honest accounting, I'm sure I've received far more than I've given. That's definitely true in terms of dollars spent.
Accounting assumes there should be some kind of "equity." A gift is owed or not owed. A gift is deserved or not deserved. Who's got the list? Who's checking it twice? Who's truly generous? Who's disappointed on Christmas morning? Who's worthy of what they've unwrapped?
That's not really the Spirit of giving or receiving anymore. That's fuel for squabbling and quarreling and it's nothing to celebrate.
Maybe I'm just rationalizing away the anxiety that I've never given enough? A little bit, but no, I don't think so. That's not my point.
It's taken me a long time to see this But then there's an opportunity to connect, rather than binding or obligating. And then there's something to be thankful for.
Merry Christmas (and Happy Holidays, etc....)
Chris